A Glimpse Into My Anxiety

I am a person who lives by my to do list. There are an alarming large number of things that I strive to do every single day. I don’t usually write it down (who has time), but I keep a running tally in my mind at all times. Most days are like clockwork, and these habits I’ve worked to build happen without much planning. Workout? Check. Meal prep? Check. Meditation? Check. (Yes, even self-care is an item on the list.)

There are some days where I need to take a step back and give myself credit for the things that do not actually appear on that perpetual list. It’s Sunday at 7:30PM as I write this, and I caught myself judging myself: You skipped your strength workout today, Heather. You only rode your bike for 20 minutes this morning. You haven’t even done your physiotherapy exercises yet. And it’s time to make dinner.

Pause. Breathe. Perspective check.

This morning I slept in, getting the first decent sleep in over a week.
I helped my neighbors re-stain our shared deck.
I spent some down time with my husband, playing a round of our favourite video game.
I biked to the farmer’s market to buy local produce, the first time I’ve been to the market since the start of the COVID-19 restrictions.
I biked to the grocery store to stock up on a few additional essentials.
I sat down and worked on a new layout for my website. For hours.

I didn’t do any strength training. I didn’t get a huge cardio workout in. I haven’t meditated, and I haven’t done my physio exercises yet. But, shit, I still did a lot. And I don’t need to beat myself up for all of the things I didn’t do.

And you know what? Even if I hadn’t done a single one of those things, I still shouldn’t beat myself up over missed to do list items. We all deserve a break, more often than we may realize.